One of the things I struggle with is how to fill all the extra time on my hands. Alcohol fills time.

Either I get a gentle buzz that allows me to “waste” time watching hours of tv without guilt, or, I get so tipsy that the time just flies by– who knows what I am doing because I very well may be blacked out.

Even a small relapse starts over the process of filling the time without listening to my head beat me up one way or another. You see, my head will tell me if I drink I can relax and enjoy my day. It is constantly pulling at me to just lighten up.

But that is not what I am choosing to do, so I have to fight the thoughts.

They tell me it will take possibly months for my dopamine receptors to return to a realistic state…