I wrote quite a few posts at the beginning of the messiness that is this blog.

It was before my surgery, and I was going through a lot personally. Honestly, I still am, but that’s for a different day.

Anyway, I noticed I took so much of the blame on myself then.

I thought because my condition was taking over my life, it was the guilt that made me think it was all my fault, and I deserved to be left.

Today, a realization came.

I’ve been afraid to admit much because I don’t want to be a victim. It takes from the strength I’ve gained…the strength I’ve always had that is now holding me up.

But I thought about things.

I’m not trying to compare what I’ve done for others, but it goes to the moment I stopped doing for others; not doing as they needed because I just…