This ‘Blood on the Rocks’ event was a turning point for many reasons. I had spent years hovering over Rose to keep her safe, only to witness her near-death experience just feet away from me in our own home. I realized that Rose’s safety must come from inside Rose’s body and brain, not from her mother.

Another revelation was that I was damaged. I had absolutely no control of my body and brain during those moments. The scream started and I could do nothing but let it pass through me. It was not a catharsis or purge of emotions. It was sheer brokenness.

Neither Rose nor I were safe. I had been so focused on saving Rose, that I did not notice my own unanswered needs much less wants. I am seeing that now as my sister takes care of my ninety-year-old mother with dementia. Care-giver burden is a dangerous…