Neurotypicals: Listen to Our Words, Not Our Tone

In one form or another, I see this question from parents a lot:
“Why does my child have to be so rude all the time?”

The assumptions about autistic adults when it comes to tone of voice doesn’t get any better either. In extreme cases, it can even result in the loss of a job.

There are a few assumptions neurotypical people have when it comes to tone of voice when anyone talks:

1. Everyone who speaks or vocalizes is trying to “send a message” based on how their voice sounds. This includes timbre, pitch, loudness etc.
2. Everyone who speaks or vocalizes can control their voice with ease – i.e., can change their timbre/pitch/loudness very easily.
3. Everyone who speaks or vocalizes knows exactly what their voice is actually doing while they’re speaking (whether it “sounds defensive” or sounds loud or quiet, etc.).

I literally do not know what my “tone of…