Trauma memories

I am so afraid of insects. I know this is partly because when I was being abused spiders, flies, etc. were used to scare me, and to freak us out.

Now I am terrified of them.

I cannot stand when one is near me.

I literally will freak out. Get totally triggered. Scream, burst into tears.

This afternoon while I was going out to the trash a fly buzzed around me.

I froze. Well, I think it was a fly.

It might have been a bee, I’m not sure?

Anyway I almost threw up. I was thinking about when my abusers put me in a cage with a bunch of spiders.

Or when they’d leave me on the floor tied up with rope and spiders crawling all over me.

I’m still finding it difficult to breathe now.

I ran back indoors, and I got some water to drink.

I gulped…