The other me

This week was full of letting people down. A full-blow anxiety attack at the DMV where Corey had to take me home. Another infusion appointment, when I was hoping for another week or two. A failed sleepover/movie night with my mom and aunt and sister, all because the darkness in me has been in control. Anxiety, depression, trauma, agoraphobia. They have been making my decisions. They have been dragging me back when I’m trying so hard to trudge forward.

I often feel that I am a disappointment. Like I’m challenging to love. There exists a version of myself that lives right under the surface, sometimes visible, and she is the one that people want around. Instead, what they get is me- dark, weighed down, distorted by my issues. Like looking into a reflection that isn’t fully mine, I can see her there if I look long…